Onesided
by Last-Summoner
Summary: ZADR. Dib at last decides to confess his feelings towards a certain alien, but Zim doesn't answer them. In fact, he decides to use Dib's feelings to destroy the human completely... Dib's POV
1. I tried to confess to him

**_A/N: _**_Hi everyone! I'm changing fandoms so rapidly... It's Zim again!_

_This one's going to be **multichaptered. **Again some ZADR **angst **with so veryveryvery **one-sided Dib's feelings**. Of course Zim would use that to his advantage to torture poor human. There's surprisingly small amount of one-sided ZADR fics here..._

_But maybe Zim **could answer Dib's feelings** in later chapters if you want... **just review me please**, reviews are pure love and** it makes me so happy**... I'd use some happiness right now... _

_Anyway, enjoy!_

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It wasn't easy, in fact it was hard as hell just to accept it myself – that Zim isn't a hostile alien for me anymore. First I thought that it's just some slight clouding of reason, caused by all that stress and constant beatings. I also blamed my age, lack of feelings I got from the others and towards the others as I hit my puberty. I thought that I just need a day off my "Sole defender of Earth" duty to have some good sleep or maybe play some computer game, but distraction didn't help a bit. I returned to watching Zim, to thinking of him, _dreaming _of him even, no matter what I tried to amuse myself with.

Only when I realized I can't gain pleasure from hurting him anymore I decided to think my feelings over.

I denied everything first… went through that "5 stages of dying" thing and even through two psychiatrists before I understood that I'm in love. In love with Zim, horrible alien thing that doesn't love and care about anyone but himself. I kept repeating to myself that it's not happening, it's some of my inner problem, misunderstanding, but all of my excuses were ruined every time I went through a pile of Zim's photos I've always kept under my pillow.

Huh, I thought, what a ridiculous thing that love is.

Zim couldn't help but notice my defect too. Once, I remember, he stalked me after the lessons were over and ambushed me in the middle of the street. We got in a fight (through the whole fighting thing came from his side only), and when he pinned my unresisting body to the ground his fist stopped in a middle of a blow.

- What's wrong with you, human thing? Fight for what is left from your honour! – he yelled, but I won't move to hit him. He shoved me from himself and laughed as I rose to my feet.

- You can't resist the power of ZIM! – He didn't stop yelling even after I dragged my damaged body around the corner. All I could think of was the brief contact of his slim body I managed to get during that one-sided fight.

I had to stop him, yet I couldn't. What a bitter irony, huh.

I tried to confess to him, oh, I remember that very well.

He helped me once or twice, Zim. Couple of times he saved me from bullies that were about to corner me in the bathroom (after that he would fight with me myself or take me to his home base for 'some experiments', but it doesn't really matter), and I, fool, thought that maybe he could accept my feelings, free me from this impossible burden.

That was the point when things turned to even more horrible state then they were before. No matter how hard I try to forget, the picture will just stay before my eyes when I close them.

It was in school. At the school yard, to be certain. My trained eye easily spotted my aim, Zim, his lean, unnaturally thin form rose up among the other stinky bodies that looked like overfilled sacks with fat. He sat at the most distant table, as usual, all focused on his alien laptop, fingers ghosting over keys. I remember that for a moment I stood there, thinking blunt, prohibited thoughts, craving to be the keyboard under those clawed hands. I tried to imagine him tapping on my skin ever-so-slightly, oversized nails digging in, but had to shake those fantasies away. Better not be daydreaming in a middle of my bullies playing ground.

My insides twisted, gave me a light vertigo as I took a step forward to him. My little alien swung his leg, hit the ground with his boot in an annoyed gesture, and I thought meekly that this is going to hurt.

He heard me approaching and sharply turned at the sound of my steps. His thoughtful expression eviled as he laid his eyes upon me.

- Human, - he hissed, - Don't annoy me with your filthy presence.

I ignored that and walked to sit besides him – he didn't complain and seemed to completely loose his interest in me for the sake of his laptop. I used this calm before storm to watch his face, so serious and intelligent (surprisingly) during his work. As I again started to drift to my fantasies with Zim as a main character, the alien finally noticed I'm not gone yet. He narrowed his lens-covered eyes on me.

- I thought I told you…

- I have to tell you something, - I said quickly, cutting off his fierce speech. I knew I have to say it right then and there, shortly and simply, and sharp, like pulling out an aching tooth, or pulling a trigger (that's more dramatic image, isn't it?). His claws were already starting to form fists – ah, those little squirming fingers, making me thrilled – when I at lasted barked out my pitiful confession:

- I love you, Zim.

He leaned towards me and punched me in the jaw – it cracked out of its joint, and I fell on the ground. I spit some blood (I bit the inside of my cheek) and had time to adjust my jaw in place before he finally asked:

- What? You said something, huh?

- I said I love you, you dumb alien… jerk!

- Eh? – He made a puzzled face at me. I clenched my fists at him in a gesture of angry annoyance.

- Do I really have to explain it? I thought you knew this term!...

- Don't you dare doubting Zim's superior vocabulary! – I got another smack in my face, the damaged jaw started to hurt even more. I silently cursed him for being so… so him (and myself for being so foolish).

He gazed at me with evil amusement.

- Now, are you going to finally free me from your stinking self?

Before I could start repeating what I have just revealed (through I guess my damaged jaw won't allow me that), he returned to his laptop. I remember my feeling of a lack of satisfaction so bitter it overcame the blood taste in my mouth. I was so eager and needing and craving, so unfulfilled and desperate I felt like my insides were going to be torn apart by this feelings. I don't remember how I got home, who fixed my jaw or was it even fixed by anyone. I only wanted Zim to understand just how serious was all that for me. Now I wish he didn't understand at all.

Zim once told me he noticed human affection is pain-based, he learned it ever since the 'Tak incident'. If only I was able to prove him wrong, I thought on countless nights curling on the bed alone in my room, if only I could prove humans can be caring in his affections… but he seemed hopeless in believing me, just like all the others did.

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TBC...


	2. He liked to torture me

**_A/N: _**_Hello there! **Thanks** for all the nice reviews)) That's the second chapter, hope to update soon... Review are still awesome to get!  
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_Hey, I thought 'bout that for a reeeeally long time, and I decided to ask here. **I would love a pen friend!** I wanted to write someone from another country since skool, and now I hope to make little dream come true. _

_**What can I say about myself?** Hm... I live in Russia, Moscow, I study in university for a biologist. I love to watch cartoons and read comics (it's really hard to get them here, but I have a pretty big collection from all over the world!). My dream is to make my own comics. I play guitar and ukulele, love a lot of styles in music. Play computer and PS games, read psychological books and do a lot of other stuff._

_I'd love to **learn more about every-day life in other countries,** and I'd be **ABSOLUTELY super happy** if somebody writes me! Thanks=)  
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He liked to torture me, torment me, and not just by hurting me physically. He found one of my spy cameras in his lab. He knew that I spent every second of my free time in front of the monitors, peeking on him.

Gaz sometimes wondered aloud just how much of a nerd weirdo I am, that I prefer a pitiful excuse of friends I could have had to a bunch of electronic stuff and insane ideas about Zim. And sometimes I even agreed with her – but I've already preferred everything to Zim, so there was no point in stopping half-ways.

Dad sometimes will shut all the power in the house off and push me in the street to 'play with other _normal_ kids to maybe absorb some of their normality'. I will sit at the road curb and stare in front of myself like a blind man, daydreaming. Or drag myself towards Zim's house to blindly stare at his window, waiting for him to come and get me. Dad and Gaz won't even ask where I got all those bruises from anymore.

So Zim used that against me as well. He enjoyed every moment of it.

He would sometimes go and sit in front of that camera, mostly in the night, knowing I won't sleep hoping for the little chance of that torture.

He'll stare in the camera, mouth stretched in a smile, head resting on his hands. He'll blink lazily, his eyes acidly magenta, so foreign without lenses. His antennae will twitch, then he'll move them a little on purpose, and this is one of his movements I like most, it makes me gasp as I stare back at the alien.

Then he'll stick his tongue out, long curly segmented tongue, swing it a little before hiding it again behind those weird-shaped teeth. I'll clench my hands on something, bite my lower lip until the dull pain in it stops me from applying pressure. My whole chest will burn as I'll stare without blinking, my eyes becoming sore and red from popped vessels. My thoughts will ramble insanely around those movements of Zim, around things that are unspokenly prohibited, and that will be another restless, sleepless night for me.

But the first time, the very first time Zim discovered my camera set in his lab and my weakness set in my (sick) mind, he sat in front of its lens to talk to me. He grinned at me, swirled in his chair like a happy child anticipating a sweet.

- Dib-stink, - said Zim in a sing song voice, - are you watching?

Of course I watched. I swallowed hardly and reduced the volume, or dad or Gaz could probably hear something. Zim tapped on the camera lens with his claw.

- Of course you watch, pathetic human filth, - he concluded with a smirk. I repeated his name under my breath, and his antennae twitched, as if he heard me.

- You know what? We can have a deal, - he said, smirking at the camera, at me.

- You give up on this stinky planet and hand it over to me to enslave. I destroy life as you humans know it, turn all that you love into junk and shitty stuff it truly is and make you suffer eternally. In exchange I promise to think about this love sickness you have.

My insides twisted, emotions run high, up my throat and into my mouth like vomit. This dilemma was new to me; strange, but I never thought about this moral choice before. And the most shocking thing about this was that Zim thought about it first and ambushed me with this 'deal'.

The alien on the screen gave out a chuckle.

- Oh, I almost forgot you can't answer me through this thing. Meet me near my base tomorrow. And your answer better be positive, stinking slug.

He grinned at the camera a little bit more, his tongue darted out, wetting his nonexistent lips, and then he left.

I couldn't sleep that night. The choice crippled me, frustrated me (Earth or Zim, my race or my enemy, my future and past and whole life or a fake promise of the most egoistic creature in several nearest universes). I stared at the monitor showing now and empty lab room of the irken base for the rest of the night, hoping for I don't even know what – that he'll come to torture me again?

I decided I'll come to that meeting he arranged to humiliate me more. And I decided to decide (huh) what is more preferable for me, through I thought I'll pick Zim over everything else just like I've already done before.

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TBC


	3. I made my decision

**_A/N: _**_Well... this chapter came up not exactly as I wanted it to be, but still it's everything I came up with. I hope you **won't loose your interest **in this fanfic after this chapter's events... Cause **there's always a chance** of Zim not to be such a jerk he usually is=)_

**_Review me please, so I can know how to continue!_**

**_Happy New Year everyone! Have a nice holiday! :))_**

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I was so anxious all day, so restless. I wasn't listening to Mrs. Bitters, wasn't paying attention to my classmates making fun of me. I tried to spot Zim, to notice him in the crowd that seemed to become one sticky gray mass, but he never came to skool, he was shamelessly skipping.

Still I wanted to see him so badly, I hoped (foolishly I guess) that maybe I could tell by the look on his face what his intentions were, to predict his behavior, his reactions. I almost wanted him to beat me because I didn't know any other way he could ease my tension that seemed to reach its peak. Well, of course there were other ways, but I didn't want to think about them, my perversion has already gone too far beyond any normal humans limits.

Gaz told me that I was too quiet. She told me she thinks its because the last few of my brain cells got dead. I didn't pay attention even to that statement.

When the lessons were finally (FINALLY!) over after what seemed like centuries, I ran from the class as fast as I could. Maybe it was just my luck that I knocked over one of our skool bullies that seemed to be lazily walking his stinking body to his stinking home. He dragged me by the collar to the back yard of the skool where he and his goons cornered me. Strange, but the only thing I could think of when they cracked their fists on my bones was the fact that I'm running out of black coats in bearable condition.

They got bored pretty quickly, though (thanks to... my luck or whatever I can thank for this). I limped towards Zim's base, but then I suddenly remembered that he never told me the accurate time of or little meeting. I increased my speed as much as my limbs condition allowed me to, afraid that I've already missed him coming, but then I thought that all he has to do to come was simply exiting his house, so I calmed myself down (still my heartbeat sped up like a broken metronome).

The street near his house was empty. I sat on the ground, back stretched up against his fence. I decided that he's already seen me through the window (security camera, gnome's eyes, whatever) and is coming out for me.

Still, I had to entertain myself with fantasies (Zim, of course, was its only hero) for three more hours before something happened. I dreamed of his answers to me, but even in my thoughts he won't propose his feelings for me, he'll just say that he agrees to bear me by his side as long as my brain functions, and then fall in my willing arms.

Still, those little dreams that were the only source of pleasure for me lately made my heart painfully tighten.

Because I made my decision.

I was awaken from my daydreaming with a poke on my shoulder. It was Zim, frowning his nonexistent brows at me. I jumped on my feet.

- You came, Dib - stink! - he said, poking my chest.

- Of course I did, you told me to come, - I answered (sometimes those statements of his just surprise me to no end). Zim crossed his arms.

- So, quickly appreciate my superiority and I must go to do my destruction business.

- Zim... - I sighed. It was surely difficult to say, though I already trained that phrase in front of the mirror, - I can't abandon Earth.

The smugly grin slowly came off irken's face.

- WHAT?

- I... oh, if you only knew how hard it was for me to make this decision, how painful...

- WHAT? - he screeched. I tried to continue my excuses:

- That's my duty! I can't abandon my people! Oh, please understand, I'll do everything to...

- You told me you have your humans feelings for me, and now you still choose this stinking ball of space dookie over someone as great as ZIM? - Zim shoved me, I fell on the ground, he towered above me, clenching his fists, - you still think this USELESS PLANET JUNK is more important then ME?

I knew that he'll say something like that, I thought that it could be even worse, but still the tension that fed up on my emotions for past sleepless night was too strong not to take control of my mind and tongue.

- So you're jealous! - I yelled back, - jealous of a planet, huh?

I realized that I've said something wrong when he didn't answer me in first several seconds.

- WHAT? Jealous? ZIM? Impossible! You've got it all your wrong human way again, stop babbling about things you don't understand, stupid piece of human filth! - he looked hurt now, more angry, but maybe it was just my unsatisfied imagination. Probably that.

- I understand that I love you!

- YOU LIE!

The last, highest pitch of his screech died as we both silenced, panting. I stood up.

- If we could just...

- Fine, - Zim suddenly hissed, - fine, you worthless slug. You'll pay for that. I swear you'll pay! I'll use those 'feelings' against you, as much as I can! I'll make your life so miserable and painful you'll wish you was never born! You'll see...

He grunted towards me, then he abruptly turned around and marched to his base's enter. His voice crept in my ears.

- You'll see just how wrong it was to reject Zim... To think more of this useless planet, this piece of garbage... I'll make you suffer, human, I'll make you suffer!

- Don't you see I'm already suffering? - I told him, but he probably didn't hear that because he slammed the door behind himself really loudly.

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TBC...


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